The way to a real teacher

[Rajan Arulganesan]

Are there any accounts of any modern day seeker meeting with, and recognising, a teacher? and being accepted? A chronicle of their mind states whilst they are grappling with words, concepts, ideas?
Irina Tweedie's 'Chasm of fire' deals with this theme, but,this is more about her experiences under the guidance of her teacher than before she found him. I am interested in their experiences before this stage, what actually led them to the teacher.
From the above book;
'"Why did you come to me?" He asked quietly breaking the silence. I looked at him. The beads in his left hand were resting on the arm support of the chair and all at once,as if waiting for this very question, I felt a sudden irresistible desire to speak, an urgency to tell everything, absolutely, about myself, my longing, my aspirations, all my life....
It was a compulsion. I began to speak and talked for a long time. I told him that I wanted god,was searching for truth. From what I had learned from L.,I knew that he could help me. I went on and on. He kept nodding slowly as if the torrent of my words was a confirmation of his own thoughts, looking at me, no, rather through me, with those strange eyes of his, as if to search out the very intimate, hidden corners of my mind.
'I want God,'I heard myself saying, ' But not the Christian idea of an anthropomorphic deity. I want the Rootless root, the causeless cause of the Upanishads.'

When I was reading this above account, it occurred to me that I have not felt this longing, not this strongly, not how she describes it. Yes, I do want to resolve the conflicts of my existence, understand the meaning of it, but, more from a very practical point of view, like, I am on this earth to carry out a certain task, if I knew with certainty what this was, I could be getting on with this, rather than wasting time chasing meaningless mirages. I know its not as straightforward as that, but, this had been my reasoning.
Would any of you who are under the guidance of a teacher, in a 'school', care to share your experience of 'being found'? How it was before this stage, how did the meeting occur? How did you know this was your teacher? Did you have to reach a certain point of despair? I feel this would be helpful and hope you would share these with us.

[Kareana Kee]

Hi teresa,

Welcome back! It was interesting reading your post. For some reason the words about 'trying daily to connect' and "trying to remember" and "trying to find balance" jumped out at me. I was reminded about my own deliberations about how to approach the meditation. I suspect approach to practices depends very much on your practice and is an evolving experience. I'm someone who is often "trying" very hard in life..and for a long time and still to a lesser degree, Im sure I came close to bursting a few blood vessels in my meditative earnestness. My teacher laughed at me (lightly) while saying I needed to be more patient and not to try so hard, to just sit and wait...well hardest thing ever, for me to sit and wait :) Yet it is interesting, I find my best meditations are when I can do that, when I let go, often a space seems to open, or an awareness arises of things on a more subtle level; that's if im not being overwhelmed by the 100 different thoughts racing around my brain and taking me off elsewhere in a bid to solve lifes's dilemma with the mind. Im sure people are doing all different practices, but it seems mine daily practice is to try and listen, listen differently, not with my rational brain so much, but with my intuitive self. It seems, as I am discovering so far, the way to do this is too stop trying so hard. I guess this is one of my daily practice.

[Mike MacLeod]

I say Al Fatihah for a number of people.

[Rajan Arulganesan]

Whenever I am not besieged by anxieties and desires, I do also try to observe life objectively and try to find some space, it is a proper uphill struggle. I am trying to understand the statement, 'thy will be done..'

[teresa ghannam]

I greatly enjoyed reading everyone's accounts of meeting their teachers. thanks to you all. I have a shaykh and tariqa that I have never personally met, but that I had taken bayat with a few years ago. fast forward...and after countless hours of practice I find myself searching again. i have recently come into contact with sant mat disciples who utilise some sufi principles....i found this initially attractive, but once I investigated I was mistrustful.

dare I say it.... I feel as if I have discovered more through my own bumblings than through the minimal contact that I have had with the tariqa. I have read some zen, some plotinus, some desert fathers...some sufism.
I try daily to connect with the Self that witnesses. I try to remember that the Source both permeates and transcends All. I try to find balance.
I am interested in what others do daily. ...anyone?

[Kareana Kee]

I am a little bit preoccupied by this idea of finding a teacher, mentor or guide at the moment and sometimes I suspect that this could be a manifestation of greed. A friend of mine who has more of an idea about such matters says to me that one doesn't even know when he's ready to be instructed or one's intentions or motives.

While it's a wise and worthy thing to question ones motives for wanting to find a teacher, to use a phrase Michael has used here before; does it really matter about the Donkey that takes you to the door so too speak?

When I think about my decision to go with my current teacher, I am aware that there were many intentions and some of the benefits or outcomes I thought would be achieved from this shift, turned out not to be, and these things then became my learnings. And to use Mike's phrase there is nothing like having a 'loving trusted friend', to help you negotiate these learnings.

[Rajan Arulganesan]

You are right Michael, my response was a bit off the cuff, not well thought out. The truth is, you and others have pointed out to me in the past that the self has many facets. I have also been reminded at various times that you can't expect absolute certainty always with matters such as this, not at an early stage, a teacher isn't someone who is always physically present, you don't know whether you are making any progress or not, etc. However, in my anxiety, I forget these subtle things. I can only hope to improve in this regard in order to become mature. I suppose I have to thank the HR community for providing the right stimulus, to get one thinking about these things. If thank you's mean anything.............

[Michael Larkin]

Hi Rajan,

Don't go with it just because it's more comforting. That doesn't make it true, if it is true, that is! :-)

Mind you, one thing seems sure: Shah was trying to teach his readers something. So should they be surprised by the suggestion that he, through his books, becomes their teacher?

[Rajan Arulganesan]

I am happy to go along with your hypothesis Michael as it is more comforting than my own.

[Michael Larkin]

Hi Rajan,

I can't tell whether I am simply indulging in this as a way of finding intellectual stimuli, because, to tell the truth none of the old tricks, literature, the arts, political debates etc., provide the kicks any more or I am genuinely drawn to this 'truth'.

There speaks a Shah reader!

Shah gets under the skin, prods and pokes around, knows exactly what buttons to press to get the accusing self’s knickers in a twist. Why does he do it? Is he just a sadist?

This is how I see it: conditioning is a dragon that has to be slain. It’s made of ignorance, and the only thing that can put a dent in it is understanding. Shah shows us we don’t understand what we are, and lays the guilt trip for that on us. So every day we dutifully go out to do battle with the dragon, and it beats the living shit out of us.

It’s the price of progress. But at least we aren’t giving up, aren’t saying it’s unfair, aren’t pretending there’s no dragon, and aren’t kidding ourselves that we’ve already killed it and left it far behind. The guilt trip is just a means to an end. The real point is getting to know and understand the dragon, and Shah gives it real fire, because life is short and this stuff is for real.

Couldn’t it be said that you’re already in process of being taught - by Shah? Is he trying to hook you up with the Truth you’re seeking (and that is also seeking you?) Keeping going may be the only chance you have. A small dent here, a small dent there, and maybe in time the dragon will disappear. I don’t think you have to go all the way for the accusations be become manageable, to get a glimpse of what you are. Somewhere around that time, maybe another agent of truth, another teacher, will appear.

By the way, I think the accusing self and the superego may well be one and the same thing.

[Mike MacLeod]

Rajan,

Luckily, I don't experience it like this. It's more like having a loved and trusted friend at your elbow all the time, silently there with you, but immediately available for consultation.

My own superego is strident and demanding and talks in "should" "must" "always" "never" terms. It is also unforgiving, probably its major "personality trait". Your comments above about fickle thoughts and drifting attention are very familiar to me as just the kind of thoughts my superego uses to try to whip me into line.

By contrast, my Shaykh's comments are supple and easy to digest, never confrontational. At the same time, they are often decisive and freeing.

A good example is one I related here some time ago (without admitting it was an internal experience) when I protested to him that I could not carry out the Five Pillars of Islam or watch my steps adequately or wind my turban the right way, etc., but that I could love my wife. His answer was simple: Loving is enough.

My own superego would never have said that. You could come up with a stack of explanations for this that don't involve the concept of superego transplants, like, "reading Sufi books makes you schizophrenic", but that doesn't do anything but give me a new word to play with.

Looking back, many of the things I read about in the first years of my interest in Sufism came to seem true, or seemed to start working, but very slowly. I took bayat 17 years ago, and while there was a big change at the time I spent many years wondering when the good stuff was going to start. In fact, it was working behind the scenes.

My desire for instruction was always there, and I didn't know if or when I could profit from it, but to say it in a Taoist way, immersion in the clarity and neutrality and softness of water (the Way) makes one soft and clear and permeable like water, so the teaching has opportunity to enter. Like an iceberg, 9/10 of the Path is "underwater". In my experience, anyway.

My Path has been like having made a small course correction while traveling in a straight line, so that I wound up years later in a very different place far from where I would have been otherwise. All from a little nudge back in the past.

My Shaykh adds: "part of us is perfect and was perfect and always will be perfect and it is a simple part of us that gets buried by accident (experiences - M.) and fear. It has to be taken by the hand and led out of the situation it finds itself in. That's the real meaning of "taking hand" with the Shaykh."